The Guru Teaches Arrogance- A Tough Lesson

Today’s Soul Report:

For awhile something was gnawing at me. Something big, but not big enough for me to see. A shadow, where every time I tried to turn around and see it, it would be behind me again. It wasn’t until I decided to get real honest with my journal and get real drill sergeant like and demand I see, declaring my readiness to see it- that I did. But first, I had to invite an experience into my life so I could see what it was that had been eluding me.

Arrogance runs deep

The culprit- arrogance. Arrogance runs deep, and comes out in many subtle ways, often barely noticeable, but since working with my own, I see it more clearly and see how subtle and deep this trait goes. It is destructive in its ability to separate and leave the other or others isolated, and it is sly, like a fox. It keeps weaving in and out so we don’t see it operating in its myriad ways.

Here are examples of some of those ways:

The experience I invited into my life was a conversation I never quite felt got finished with Marianne Williamson. I wrote a blog, and in this blog, I was sharing my experience with my inner perfectionist- how she talked to me, what she demanded of me- and I addressed her as Sergeant Williamson, seeing her as a combination of a spiritual teacher (I picked Marianne Williamson) and a drill sergeant. No harm done, at least not in my mind. I picked MW because she is a woman. I almost picked Wayne Dyer, but he’s a man and I wanted to make it relatable for me so I could work with this part of me that was making my life confused, miserable and inauthentic.

Ms. Williamson was adamant I was being catty. That I was harsh, and somehow she must have offended me or I would not speak so badly of her. Well, in my arrogance, perhaps a bit of courage, and the desire to take full advantage of an interesting opportunity to stretch, I tried to make spiritual teacher extraordinaire understand I was NOT talking about her. I wanted to have an effect on her evolution, and also really wanted her to let go of this story because it was not true, at least as I wrote it, so to move this further, I stood face to face with her after one of her Monday night lectures, something I would not have thought about if it had not been for one of her adoring fans telling me I must. I must talk to her. “It would be fun. We can go together,” she said. So I went, and the adoring fan never texted me back. The face-to-face exchange with Marianne was just as it was through Twitter, which is where she first contacted me and email, where she contacted me again.

There was no getting through to Marianne. She just would not get that I was not talking about her, and looked at me quizzically when I told her my process (naming it) of outing one of my parts that creates dysfunction in my life. I guess I was naive. I guess I thought I could have a conversation with someone who talks about God, love and forgiveness with some openess. Well after this meeting, I felt pretty good. Empowered. I stood my ground because I can’t nod my head with something I know isnt’ true. And I thought that opportunity had run its course.

Until…

A few days ago. My husband is a fan of her page and made a comment. Being curious I went to her page to see what he said. I don’t even know what he said, but I ran across a comment from her- “People can translate for themselves, and I appreciate those who don’t project all kinds of stuff onto my words that I didn’t say:)” I couldn’t help myself- and I told her “I know how you feel.” She responded, and said she would try and remember that, and also wondered why she (meaning me) is so intent on attacking her all of the time.

From here, a two day conversation began. Not with Marianne. We never heard from her again, but with some of her most loyal fans. In this exchange I saw many different and subtle aspects of arrogance, so much so it brought out my own- mostly in the form of the rebel who is going to call your shit out as I saw it. What I saw are some of the signposts I view as arrogant:

Subtly number one: People telling us their title, and we didn’t ask. Example, I am a psychologist. A doctor. A filmmaker. From said psychologist, I was told that I wasn’t in a very creative and intuitive place when I picked out the name Sergeant Williamson and if I were I would have not picked out Marianne’s name or Wayne’s. Which, brings me to…

Subtly number two: Giving advice when we didn’t ask. The ancients taught, do not teach unless asked. I didn’t ask for this woman’s advice about my writing (or Marianne’s when she told me she had been doing what she does for 20+ years and should really watch what I write). She was not at my writing desk as I wrote that post, and actually, the moment MW and the drill sergeant merged was one of brilliance that only happens when in the creative space.

Subtly number three: When people say “Been there. Done that.” I tend to be honest about how I feel and what I think and where I am in my evolutionary process. This said, I leave myself open for people to give me a lot of, “been there, done thats,” (and that advice I didn’t ask for) Oh, I used to compare myself to others; (which was said and assumed by a loyal follower from this exchange). Oh, I used to care what people thought of me; Oh, I used to be afraid but now I am not- “Been there. Done that.” Great. Super. Is that helpful though? Or does it increase their superiority and cause further isolation? Why say it, other than to prove you no longer struggle, to let us all know what step you aren’t on in your evolution. And if you are so over your stuff, can I now ask you for your advice because I want to be over mine too?

Subtly Number Four: It’s my way or the dumb-way. This exchange had me pretty much hating new agey, spiritual mumbo jumbo, and I used to be kind of into it, but I think I may have been into it because it was the only thing I thought was there that sort of got me. But, most of it isn’t deep enough. It’s too much about the end result- where we are all singing Kumbaya, and not enough about what it takes to get there or gives space for those who aren’t. For me if I am not authentically feeling it, I am not going to preach about it. And for me the only way I can authentically feel it, means I have to dig within myself and find all the obsrtuctions to my authentic joy. Have I had those moments? Yes. I think so. But I’m not done. I can’t speak on the eternal, authentic anything because my focus is to know thyself, or as Volatire says, to culitivate our own garden and this is ongoing, a process. But see, I’ve been arrogant about all of this. My way is the way, preaching my anthem of- please don’t waste your time preaching and pretending all this love and joy when you have so much darkness inside, that is being projected all over the place, that you aren’t owning. As much as I would like it to be everyone’s anthem and deal with stuff, I can only own it for myself. It is what works for me. If others want what I have in my garden, I will share, but the last few years, I’ve been lost in my own arrogance; my attachment to other’s evolution and feeling the pressure to help it along as if this is my duty, my “calling,” more than tending what I used to tend best- my own garden. And yet, I wasn’t out there enough pushing that either, to get people to go my way or the dumb way, which brings me to this lesson:

The fear of arrogance also runs deep.

My husband said recently, if I want to get my teachings, words, writing- basically myself “out there,” I am going to have to find my swag. Be a little cocky even. Oh, God no- how I could I? I resist being arrogant like that. There has to be another way….I would imagine most who are out there, had some swag/arrogance- or perhps a whole lot. Even Gandhi had swag in his own way. He put himself out there and was devoted to what he believed in. So, probably not too much wrong with some swag. But I was afraid of using it and how it might make me look. The fear of being arrogant was a bigger culprit, it would seem, and it wasn’t helping me not be arrogant. It was making me blind to it. We often become what we fear, and our not looking at what we fear doesn’t make it less dangerous or real.

Conclusion:

I invited Marianne, along with some of her loyal fans, into my life to be mirrors of my own arrogance, and my fear of it. To bring out what was gnawing at me, so I could see it and name it, which is only the tip of the arrogance ice berg, and..

Therefore…

The lesson in arrogance will continue…

Today’s Soul Tip:

Seeing and naming what is deep within is only the beginning. This battle/learning opportunity is not over. It is on-going until I get all the way through it. What I have learned though so far is it is important for me to call out the arrogance. To understand it is a fierce opponent. The fear of it, worse. I don’t have to fear my arrogance, therefore I may begin exposing it, playing with it, at the risk of looking more arrogant than ever before. But I am not ready to own my pure humility, and my rebel certainly isn’t going to fake it.

There is more to the story- and if my focus is to cultivate my own garden, and everything in it, then the story will continue to unfold, and I believe it might have something to do with courage. I hope you will stay tuned…

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter

That One Time I Was Dismissed by Marianne Williamson, Spiritual Guru Turned Presidential Candidate

Maybe more of you now know who Marianne Williamson is. Some of us have known of her since, at least, the early 90’s. I was a follower and lover of her books. In fact, I wanted to be Marianne “when I grew up,” and often dyed my hair chestnut brown to try and capture her essence. Now Marianne, or as I call her— MW, is running for President of the United States. And, after Donald Trump’s (who ironically I call DT) election, the possibility of a MW presidency is all too real. Vox today says she “can plausibly claim to represent a demographic swath of the public” who say they are “spiritual, not religious—” and, this demographic is increasing.

First of all what does it mean to be spiritual, not religious? Well, I’ll save that for another post. Because today, speaking as one who would fall in this demographic, I feel it is my civic duty to say: DO NOT FALL FOR THIS WOMAN. In fact, if in 2020, it is DT and MW on the ballot, for the very first time, I will not be casting a vote.

Here is MW’s message, and from her I quote: “He has inspired masses with fear, and I have inspired masses with love.” Further, “I’m going to harness love for political purposes.” That sounds amazing, right? To me it sounds terrifying.

I have a story to tell about Marianne Williamson and from my story I will never look at her, or anyone who claims themselves to be a spiritual guru, the same. Also, from my story, I will always be extra cautious when I put another on a pedestal, as I did her. Now that this spiritual guru has turned to presidential candidate, I see that MW and DT are two sides of the same coin. Both proclaim to inspire masses of people. Both believe in their own hype, so to speak, to do so— and they sell it to the American people. Both tap into the American psyche for gain. Both don’t speak on experience and policy (because they can’t) so they go in for the gold- our emotions and fantastical desires for country. One speaks to those who fantasize about keeping America white, which to them means safe. The other speaks to those who fantasize about unity and love. MW reaches to the lost souls, to those that are “spiritual, not religious,” and especially those who have self-righteously and superficially walked the spiritual path, being captured by crystals and auras. And both are running from misguided beliefs that, in DT’s case, puts us in great danger. For Marianne, I do not proclaim to know what will become of us if she were president, but I choose to not find out.

My story

It all began with this blog post I wrote on January 27, 2011. To give some context, I have spent 30+ years exploring my internal landscape. This may be better known as self-discovery, self-help, personal discovery. As I do personal growth work, I often come across parts of myself. In this particular post I was confronting a perfectionist part who I called Sergeant Williamson because my perfectionist was masquerading into a spiritual guru, trying to make me spiritually perfect. The post was all about me. Nothing about THE Marianne Williamson.

On January 30, as I was lying on my couch in California (where we had just moved from Minnesota) feeling premenstrual, my phone lights up. It says: Direct Message from Marianne Williamson. I laughed out loud, and said to my husband: you will never guess who just inboxed me on Twitter.

I could not reply because she did not follow me. I cannot recall how I reached out to her, but I told her to follow me so I could respond. And so she did (I will say her following me sure helped to increase my followers. She since has unfollowed). My first question to her was: Did you read it? to which I never got a response. Eventually we also had an email exchange (I can no longer access these emails) but she did not write “more than forty characters or whatever….” No matter what I said, which was to tell her my post had nothing to do with her, she kept asking the same question: “How did I offend you?”

Marianne has been giving lectures based on The Course in Miracles at the Saban theater in Beverly Hills for many years. One night, a friend asked if I wanted to go. I saw it as a perfect opportunity to meet Marianne, and perhaps have a live conversation with her that would be more productive. I posted my account of this exchange here.

It turned out being face to face with the “guru” did not prove useful, at least as far as coming to common ground. I found Marianne to be harsh, dismissive and cold. Maybe this makes sense because she could only see me as someone who spoke ill of her no matter how I tried to tell her I was speaking of my own personal development. It was a disappointing experience for me because in my idealistic view point, someone who writes about love and spirituality, must also be able to understand personal growth and discovery. They must be open to others, right? Be loving? Kind? if nothing else, be a good listener?

At one point, she told me I had be careful with my words because women can be “catty” to one another. I told her that did not resonate and I won’t be taking that advice. She then waved a dismissive hand in my face and said, “Good luck with your blog or whatever” and walked away.

I had one more online interaction with Marianne when I saw her post this: “People can translate for themselves, and I appreciate those who don’t project all kinds of stuff onto my words that I didn’t say:)” I could not help myself- and responded: “I know how you feel.” She said she would try and remember that, and wondered why I am so intent on attacking her all of the time.

Maya Angelou said, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. We all have bad days and do shitty things. I get that. But this exchange with Marianne showed me her character and because I am a US citizen, still a qualifying vote, she did not show herself to be a leader I would follow. She has an arrogance about her (and she taught me of my own which I wrote about here). She showed me she can’t listen. That her view is the only one that matters. That she had to be the expert about my blog post. That she would continue to ask the same question and give me advice until I bent to her will. I would not. I will not. She reminded me, and continues to, of my most difficult relationships where there is complete unwillingness to even consider my experience- and these are abusive relationships. These are not attributes of a true spiritual leader, and now she wants to lead my country. I will not follow. I will not vote for her.

I do appreciate that she brings a different perspective to our politics. It’s deeper and needed in this time of chaos and superficiality. But for me she is a con. She is indeed harnessing what sounds like love, but is not love. In order to truly harness love, we must be love- and that is not easy. She has harnessed influence and power, and for her, enough of it to take on the oval. She believes she is our savior. And we must all be vigilant of wolves in sheep clothing.

I’ll be sure to let you know if I get inboxed by MW again.

These Aren’t Problems.

After experiencing several years of serious challenge and upheaval, I have been recently perplexed by those who think these are problems:

Scraping the ice and snow off the car windows in the morning.

The morning commute with said ice and snow (unless of course you spin out or get stuck).

Having to go to work and school.

Not having appetizers in the fridge if someone spontaneously visits your house. 

Almost having a car accident.

Considering I have no house, no car, no job at the moment, and have been in a car accident, I consider all of these nice “problems” to have.

However, I am sure there was a time I would have thought these were problems. I’m glad I am no longer that person. I have lost a lot, especially in terms of material comforts and security, but what I have also lost a lot of, a loss that I am realizing makes me feel like the richest woman alive is arrognace and ignorance.

As I continue to lose these, I am gaining the virtues of flexibilty, patience and compassion (although I have more to gain to have compassion for those who think that these are problems).

We all go through challenging times, but will we allow these challenges to change us? To strip us of our arrogance and ignorance so that we become more conscious? Or will we hang on to them, and continue to see little things as big things and big things as little things and not be changed?

The Soul Reporter

 

 

>Older Than America

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This weekend, I had a full circle moment with filmmaker, Georgina Lightning. We first met in 2008, in a Minneapolis coffee shop where I interviewed her for Minnewood, an independent film on-line resource. She was in Minnesota promoting her film, Older Than America, which she filmed in Northern Minnesota. I found her strength and focus captivating and her vision prophetic. Three years later (this weekend), when I finally saw her film, and met her again I was reminded again of her captivating strength and focus and prophetic vision, which has now become a movement.

Her film, Older Than America tells of the atrocities, which occurred in boarding schools where American Indian children were taken from their families and traditional ways to be “reformed” into white, Christian culture. The ramifications of this “white washing” are still occurring. When asked, last Friday what the numbers are that were killed or committed suicide by the take-over which occurred, Georgina said, the numbers continue to rise, the genocide continues with deaths from drug and alcohol abuse, and suicide.

There were moments in the film where I felt a primal wound within myself wrapped in intense grief and pain, and I realize how important Georgina’s work is. Through her film, and the documentaries she is working on now, she is bringing to the surface this wound, that I believe is within us all, a wound that must be healed if we as an American culture are to evolve to our full capacity. So much talk about “American Pride-” how can we be proud knowing what was done to our most Native of people and ways that are “older than America.”  Imagine our America if the ignorance, arrogance and fear was not acted upon, but instead there was an embrace to learn from and accept those that were called, “savages.” Personally, I cannot be prideful until this atrocity is fully recognized and the people are fully realized back into their traditional and spiritual ways.

The deeper I travel into my soul, I find a longing to reconnect with the tribal aspect of myself. The self that is rich with knowing of both earth and sky. The wisdom which is always present, but has been suffocated by religion and greed and fear and ignorance; of people believing they understand they know more than the nature of this earth and our souls.

This is the repost of my interview with Georgina. If you feel moved, I hope you will purchase the DVD, go to the site and find ways to support and where the film might be showing, and if nothing else, send light and love to this buried wound, and see it surfacing to be healed so this country and its people can be restored- and connect with your tribal self. It knows and trusts the mystery.

Hidden Wounds 

By: Nikki Di Virgilio
Published: December 2nd, 2008

If you are in tune with the vibe of our nation right now, you can sense a shift of consciousness. This shift comes with messages of hope and alliance, attractive notions to many of us. However, this change can’t happen if healing and forgiveness of our wounds does not occur.

Georgina Lightning, actor and now director, is heeding the call to do her part in the healing of America. In her new movie, “Older Than America,” she is bringing to the surface a forgotten wound many of us don’t even know about. It occurred during the cultural genocide of the American Indian, where young, Indian children were taken from their homes and families and moved into boarding schools, where they could be “white-washed,” living in a culture where “Kill the Indian, save the man” was the running theme.

Through the character of Rain, played by Lightning, an Indian woman who experiences visions from the past, we catch glimpses of the atrocities, which occurred at these boarding schools, and the ramifications they still hold for those who were there and the culture as a whole. Lightning knows the ramifications firsthand. She was born into a family of survivors of these schools, including her father, businessman and Cree Indian George De Jong, who was institutionalized from age 6-18 and committed suicide when Lightning was 18.

Lightning’s intentions for her movie are clear: For both Indian and white culture to acknowledge what was done in the past, so healing can take place for themselves and each other. This healing is necessary for the Indians of yesterday and the children of today to return to their traditions and ceremonies, which are “Older Than America”.

This healing process has already begun. The Prime Minister of Canada issued a public apology to the world for what occurred in the boarding schools, and as the film tours various film festivals, it closes with standing ovations and people telling Lightning their own stories of hardship and gratitude for her efforts in sharing this tragedy.

The movie took three years to make and it’s constantly evolving. The movie continues to tour film festivals, picking up awards along the way, including “best director”. Lightning is a woman with vision and purpose. Filmmaker magazine has named her one of 25 new faces in independent film and she intends to open up the doors for women, minority women in particular.

Lightning was born in Canada. When she was 10-years-old, she saw her father stirred, while watching television and understood, at a level she couldn’t explain, the power of film and how it can touch people. She moved to Los Angeles to receive training and pursue a career in acting. Frustrated with the lack of roles and opportunities for Indians, she wanted to do something different. She became an acting coach, working on various sets. While doing so, she watched the producers and directors, saying to herself,
“I can do this.”

Lightning is also a dedicated mother of three children: Cody, Crystle and William, all artists forging forward in their purpose, just like their mother. She is a definite woman to watch. Lightning believes in the power of media, a woman who will always convey resonant messages with her work.

In December, Lightning will be leaving snowy Minnesota ,where she has been for the past 18 months, filming “Older Than America” on the Fond-du-Lac Indian reservation, and return to sunny California.

There will be a screening of her movie on February 5, 2009 at Augsburg College, and there are
plans for a regional theatrical release, DVD release and, perhaps, a television opportunity. The film is 103 minutes.

For information about her production company visit: http://www.TribalAllianceProductions.com/.

>Questions I’m Answering

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The other day I wrote a post on questions I feel aren’t asked, and certainly not answered.  Today, I am answering those questions based on my beliefs and experiences.

1.  Q>  When people say God spoke to me, what did the voice sound like? Was it someone else’s voice? Was it your own?  Did you hear it from inside or outside of yourself?

A>  I cannot say “God” has ever spoken to me. I cannot say this because I don’t know what’s God’s voice sounds like.  Many years ago, in the face of a spiritual “crisis,” I was falling apart- or at least a part of me was falling apart. While in this intense crisis of the soul, or it has been called, “the dark night of the soul,” there was a voice, which spoke to me.  It spoke in a gentle way.  A neutral tone. Speaking wisdom. Perspective. Giving guidance and support. And the voice was familiar. It was my own, but it could not have come from the space where I was, which was dark, hopeless and afraid.  It came from another space from inside.  I now call this voice, The Voice Inside. Still, it is my voice, but speaking to me from a deeper, higher place.  If this deeper, higher place is called God, which I am comfortable believing, then yes, God has spoken to me many, many times.  

2.  Q>  When people say, I’m giving it to God where do they give it? What does that mean?

A>  I cannot say, where people give “it” to God, but I can share my experience. Most recently, I was overwhelmed by all my ideas, which come from that inspired place I spoke of above- the place of God.  Daily, I receive ideas, insights- and have difficulty giving voice to them all.  I envisioned myself giving it to God, as a way to surrender, which I suppose is what “giving it to God” can mean.  As I lifted up my “burdens”, immediately they were given back to me. This giving back said to me, these are yours and you can handle them.  And not only this, but because I had surrendered them to this Higher Place, they are now “blessed.”  They have been touched by God. But, it is clear God can do nothing with them. Only I can, if I choose.

3.  Q>  When people say, they are in heaven or in a better place when someone dies- where is heaven? How do you know it is a better place?  Is there more to the death story?  

A>  During my spiritual “crisis” I left my body, or so it seemed.  All that was left- was everything, but form. In this formless state was a complete feeling of freedom. I was in space. Without body, time, area in the world- just space and ME in a concentrated ball of consciousness.  I didn’t die (obviously), but when I returned to my body, I sensed this may be what happens. Now, beyond this initial euphoria, I have no idea. If I believe fully in reincarnation, then I sense pieces of me scatter until the point in which I return and they join together, filled with the desires and potentials of my new life. I also feel, just as we come from varying perceptions here on Earth, chances are when we exit, we will see what we believe we will see, what we need to see in order to transition. If we want to see our parents and grandparents, we probably do. If we believe there is a white light, like others have told us who have had near death experiences, than I would guess a white light awaits. All I do  know, is WHAT WE REALLY ARE, is no longer in the body when it can no longer be alive. What happens to what we really are: well sometimes, it is okay to say, I don’t know.


4.  Q>  When people say, they want to teach their children that there is a power that is greater than themselves outside of them, what does this mean? Where is this power? Does this mean there is not a “larger” power within? What do they hope the child learns from this teaching?

A>  I am in a place where it does not suit me well to believe ANYTHING is outside of me. I do not fear arrogance or ego in this statement either. I embrace power. Wisdom. Truth. To teach my children they have a force or an intelligence, known often as God, INSIDE of them is the most solid guidance I can offer.  This way, they are not looking outside. They are not feeling inferior.  They are not confused.  If I were to guess, without knowing each individual’s belief, to tell children to believe in a power outside is to let them know there absolutely IS something powerful, and to trust in it, because in life, it will serve them to believe so.  To understand this power is everywhere and in everyone- Well, wow that would sure make me feel like a pretty special kid.


5.  Q>  When people say, they will reap rewards for good deeds from the Lord, what are these rewards? And it’s opposite, how will God punish them for bad deeds?

A>  Karma.  Simple. We reap what we sow. We are responsible. Every action and thought has a consequence.  We never need interfere with anyone’s “good” deed or “bad” deed. It is written. Concreted for them.  I cannot believe there is a Lord or a God “up there,” who like an egotistical and insecure teacher, looks down upon her students, and says- “You bad.  F.  You good.  A.” However, to know I AM responsible is the most freeing, liberating deal there is, and further to understand- life is generous in its lessons for us to learn and grow through our karmic law. 


6.  Q>   I was reading some religious material. It said, “We can learn more about God’s personality from the Bible. For example, it tells us what God likes and doesn’t like, how he treats people, and how he reacts in different situations.” Yet, they say, “He is a higher form of life.” If he likes and dislikes, and reacts to situations, and has a personality- is this a higher form?  Does your God have a personality? If so, does he also have a face? A body? What does he look like? And where does he live?

A>  In thinking a lot about religion lately, here is what I believe. Some of us need rules. We need doctrine, which is black and white. That makes literal sense. That we believe we can follow. For me, even as a small child, sitting in church made me feel that something wasn’t right. When I read material, like what is said above, it makes me feel tight and restricted.  For me, most religious law and doctrine, at least the way it is often presented is too confining to me. It doesn’t allow growth. It just stays stuck.  We are alive beings. To stay stuck means death, maybe not physical death, but mental, emotional, spiritual death. We must grow.  And to believe my God has likes and dislikes and reacts to situations- well it almost makes me laugh. Why do I want to look “up” to or toward a being that isn’t any higher than myself?  I read an amazing verse from my beloved poet, Rumi: “God loves you is the ONLY statement.”  Simple. No rules. No personality. No separation of who “He” likes and doesn’t like. “God loves you is the ONLY statement.”  I don’t need God to have a body or a face or a personality.  I only need to know LOVE is all there is and to pay attention to my journey as I move within that SPACE OF LOVE.

7.  Q>  It seems the word “spiritual” is getting a “bad” name. Perhaps it is overused. A Christian woman said she considers it a criticism if someone calls her spiritual. What does spiritual mean to you? If you had to define it, how would you? 

A>  I’ve always considered myself spiritual. What do I mean by this? I mean, I am actively, dutifully focusing my spiritual eye inward.  I am moving through debris.  Space. Beliefs. Desires. All toward what I truly AM. My core. My essence. It’s a journey, and because I consciously open my life to this journey, I call that living the spiritual life.  

Today’s Soul Tip:

What are some questions you have about religion? Spirituality? God? Are there statements people make, where, as my aunt says, the bullshit meter goes off, yet you find yourself shaking your head in agreement just to be “nice.” To conform.  I offer you to challenge these statements. You don’t have to do so with the person speaking them. One thing I’ve learned is when people need to believe something, it is best to just stay silent, or speak your truth holding no expectation to change them.  So, when you feel that bullshit meter buzzing, and your authenticity is at stake, dig deeper. Go wider. Loosen the laws, and live your LIFE. Your truth.  

Namaste, 

The Soul Reporter

>In Time

>It all comes in time

I was worried it wouldn’t

I was worried I would not arrive

Now I have.

And nothing will stop me

Except greed.

Arrogance.

And an Announcement of “I’ve arrived.”

In time, 

It will come again.

>There is Pride & Then There’s Pride: Selfish vs. Authentic

>The word Pride has entered the room of my mind lately.  We talk a lot about it in this country. We are proud of our troops. We are proud of our country. Some of us have stickers on our cars, which say we are the proud parents of our Honor student at such and such school.

But what does it really mean to be proud?

In the dictionary pride is defined as:

a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired • the consciousness of one’s own dignity • the quality of having an excessively high opinion of oneself or one’s importance : the sin of pride.• a person or thing that is the object or source of a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction 

I see two qualities of pride listed in this definition. One I would call Authentic Pride and the other Selfish Pride, and it seems our pride can and should evolve from one to the other.

Do we think we come from selfish beginnings; that is, born of the sin of pride? Or did we evolve into this place of selfish pride? Do we think we can evolve beyond selfish pride, and into pride which is authentic?  If so, how? 

Where is the evolution of your pride?

I have never been a fan of the I am the proud parent of my honor student bumper sticker. At Waldorf, where my child attends, their bumper sticker reads: every child is an honored student at Waldorf.  I also have never been one to proudly flash my flag on my car or in front of my house, or anywhere for that matter. Not even on the 4th of July. However after 9-11 I bought my first American flag and stuck it on my car. I took off the sticker shortly after the authentic pride began to feel exclusive to only the “right” Americans, and arrogance took over the land. 

Selfish pride makes us feel we are somehow special and unique, as if our trials and our triumphs could never be like anyone else’s. We don’t ask for help when we need it, and some don’t even know they need it.  This kind of pride, if encouraged long enough can break us off into the sea where we are now an island all by ourself; therefore making us feel even more special and unique. 

Selfish pride can ruin a relationship. It can and has ruined a country, but all that it takes is one authentic moment of pride to turn the ruin into triumph.  We witnessed this moment the night Barack Obama was elected and he walked onto the stage at Grant Park.  This moment of Pride was not only of his own,  but one for us all. He did not have a “I have got them now to do what I would like” grin on his face. He had a “We have got eachother to do what we all can do” smile on his face.   His eyes were not gleaming with arrogance. His eyes shining soft and humble. He did not prance around on the stage as if to say look at me. He graciously walked onto the stage as if to say, look at us.  

I am inspired we will as a nation turn our once selfish Pride, believing we were special and unique, and turn into authentic Pride where we know we are looking toward the same horizon. But it won’t be easy.  What must we sacrifice in order to JOIN the land once again from our isolation out at sea?  

We can begin by investigating our own sense of pride.  What are we proud about? For example, are we proud of our children?  Is it only our children we feel proud about?  Do we feel the need to tell others how proud we are?  How does it make us feel when we tell them?  Does it feel centered in the heart or in the head?  Does it feel shallow or deep?  For instance in the head, there might be thoughts such as- look at how great my kid is or in the heart there is a quiet, deep pride where we feel grateful for the way our child is developing and we appreciate all the intricacies of our child. We may even want to expand ourselves to help other children and we feel no need to voice any of this. 

Which feels more real?  The easiest way to tell if our pride is authentic or selfish is to ask if it supports only our own beliefs and agenda- the part of us that needs recognition, or does it serve something larger.  Is it inclusive or exclusive?   

To come to a space inside of our selves where we can be full of pride in a gracious, inclusive and accepting way means we must look at where we are not, and deciding if we want to feel more separate- out in the sea alone or joined together with everyone and everything where we know we are all special.  If so, we must give up our desire to be a special island for others to hopefully admire.  We must instead choose to bring our special island back to the shore and reunite with the land.  It is here where we can truly restore our world together. 

To feel the pride of togetherness will fill our entire being with joy and gratitude. To allow this to fill us will become so pleasant we will not be able to go back to where we are separately prideful. It will be too painful.  But first we must choose where we will stand. Together or alone. 

Namaste, 

Nikki