Three weeks, 49 days, and countless hours and my book proposal is finished.
At the end of the road, freedom. Until then, Patience. ~Buddha
At the end of the proposal road, I was running out of patience. Sure, I had the kind of patience to wait in a cold, school resource room while my daughter takes tests. I’ve the patience to wait while my daughter gets water, shuts down her computer, looks in the mirror, picks out her clothes for the following day, and adds three blankets on top of her when I’ve asked her to go to sleep for the past hour. But- where was the patience to get through the last few steps of my book proposal?
I guess now, it does not matter. I concluded. I got all the way through something. I am proud and I am hopeful. I am also scared the baby I just birthed will be rejected. But, I let her go and I wish her success. I surrendered for three weeks, 49 pages and countless hours, into that place many refer to as the zone. At first, the process exhilarated me and I could not wait to return the next day, and then I burnt out. I wasn’t excited anymore. I wanted to be done. This is when I lost my patience.
When I am not patient, I force. When I am not patient, my main objective is to conclude. When I am not patient, I do not listen. Yet, I wanted to be at ease. I wanted to be content in the process. I wanted to listen, and respond. I wanted to be patient. And I persisted.
I began to see the layers of the work and if I wanted to honor them, I had to do more than just paint a background. I had to add detail, structure, depth. In a sense, I had to express me in each moment. This took time.
The layers within us and the tasks we set out to express, cannot be ignored. The depth cannot be denied. It’s a process. A journey. It can’t be rushed. It won’t be rushed.
We do this by knowing there is a consciousness alive within the layers. We listen. We respond, and we move it out for others to see. We succumb to the patience the layers adamantly, but respectfully request. To do so, it is guaranteed to be a lesson of sight- to see the richness in taking our time. To see this is the only way to truly live. To be within the layers. To see and experience the depth, which is in everything.
The Soul Reporter