It is now 2010, and I say to you- Enough! I see what you’ve been allowed to do, and you have taken enough from me.
We’ve had a long relationship, you and I. I’ve known you as long as I can remember, although I don’t believe I’ve known your name, or your true power, until recently.
I guess since, I wasn’t having daily panic attacks, as I once did years ago, I thought I had you conquered. “Fear,” I’d say to people, “I am not afraid.”
It seemed you stepped up your game. You went into disguise and I could no longer feel you, or see you. But, now, I see you were there this whole time.
You tell me I am not loved. You tell me I am not worthy. You tell me I am not needed. You tell me people betray, and use. You tell me not to trust, and I believe you, for life has shown me you might be right. And because I believe you, life keeps showing me.
I ask, what do you want from me? Why do you want me? Are you only here to teach, are are you here to hurt, and destroy?
To you, I say you’ve hurt me enough. You have destroyed enough. Now, I want to learn from you, for now I respect you. I see your power. I see what you can do. I use to think only addiction could destroy a home, but what else is behind addiction, but you?
As I sit here to say, good-bye to you, I wonder what I will do without you. I can’t say that I know, for even right now, I hear you saying, “You can’t leave. There’s nothing else left for you. You don’t know what to do. Or who you are. You don’t know which voice is true- since you let me inside of you.”
And fear, you’re right. I don’t. I capsized into you. I’ve become your master, and you sink the ship. But you are not going to kill me. I see that you’ve tried. So again, I say enough.
I see that even having a conversation with you, is room enough for you to enter. I see your persistence. Your strength. You want to dominate me. Or perhaps it is me who wants you to dominate me. Every which way I turn to look at the sinking of the ship, I see you in all your disguises, and faces.
You truly have dominated me. I will give you that. To do so, you must really know that I am strong. That I am going places. Well, I am still going, and you aren’t going to stop me. I’ve already allowed you to stop me from being. To stop me from living. To stop me from loving. You’ve even obscured my path to my Essence, my Truth. You’ve even obscured my sight so I could not see who loves me, let alone feel their love. You’ve told me I do not love. That I am not lovable. You’ve done enough. You have simply done enough.
Now, will you go? I don’t know, but what I do know is you’ve been found. Will you leave for awhile, and return even more heavily disguised, like the step mother who kept upping her plan to entrap the purity and essence of Snow White?
I expect you to return, for I know my time here is not complete. But, for now you must go, and for the next round you better make it good, because I am about to make it great.
The Soul Reporter