>I Can Too

>”Mommy now that he’s President I feel different inside. ” 

My 8 year old daughter said this to me tonight after finding out this morning she had a new President- Barack Obama.
She went on to ask, “Am I supposed to feel that?”  
I said yes.
I feel different inside too. 
Barack Obama’s words touched my highest aspirations when I first heard him speak at John Kerry’s Democratic Convention in 2004, where he was the keynote speaker.  My highest aspirations were of Unity and Oneness.  The first time I felt a glimpse of this was with the passing of Princess Diana and Mother Teresa where I was moved to tears watching people all around the world mourning their death. Then after 9-11 I was moved to tears again as I stood at our state’s capital in the rain with thousands of people to honor those who had died.  
Then as most of us know, not long after the towers fell, we were moved into darkness and unrest with wars, lies and the unfolding economic pressures.  But last night there was a significant shift and Unity has surfaced again bringing us to a universal full circle moment our souls have longed for. 
I breathed through my own tears as I watched those of Reverend Jesse Jackson’s , Oprah Winfrey’s and countless others whom I do not know, while they like me, looked at a man who has come to us at the right time to bring us together where we have the chance, and the right to heal and transform our collective wounds. 
I took the day off today because I knew I could not fully engage in just another day because today was not just any other day, and it was important to me that I honor it with solitude and gratitude.  For the first time I felt what the cliche means of “if I can do it so can you.”  And not only can I, it’s time to.  
Something has awakened in me, which has always been present but just waiting for the right time to surface.   It’s here, and perhaps not completely but more so than ever. It is why you now see my face on my blog.  It is not to be arrogant.  It is to be authentically seen, because me, like you are here to be seen for who we are. And you, like me are worthy of this.  For me, this is my full circle moment where I begin to see the work of the past manifest into a beautiful form and expression.  Where I say I like myself and who I have become and look forward to the possibilities, which are yet to take form.
It is an important time. Are you awake for it?  I HOPE so.  
I have come here to live and in my living I want to see you and I want you to see me, and this wasn’t always the case.  I hid.  A lot.  In school I sat in the back of the class, and sometimes didn’t show up at all and chose to sit a car in the parking lot and smoke cigarettes. I have played down who I am by undermining how nice my newly styled hair looked, or the new clothes I was wearing.  I have gained extra weight so that I could be covered up with fat.  I have shown the me who I think is safe so not only do I not offend you, but not scare the wits out of me.  I have shown you who I am not because I am afraid of the Brilliance that I am.  This Brilliance is in every tree, rock, leaf, blade of grass and every being here on earth and beyond. It is everywhere. 
It is You.  
Oprah Winfrey has said we all want to be validated. We want to know we are seen. I know this to be true. It is a strong force which can often be distorted making us do all the silly things I used to do, or the things I could never do which was be arrogant in my display in myself. It is a force that in time, through sacrifice, self-reflection, honesty and commitment, will grow into authentic validation of our True Self.  
For several days now I have shared this story from the Bhagavad-Gita and here it is again. Arjuna, the young man in the story who is about to go into battle is having a conversation with Krishna (Divine One).  At a point during the story Krishna shows himself briefly to Arjuna, and saying he cannot show him all that He is because it would be too much for Arjuana to see.
This is Us. We are Brilliant.
We must unravel our Soul layer by layer and come to know ourselves a little at a time. It is up to us how much we want to know and when.  I revel at this man Barack and others like him who have come to us during difficult times. What must it be like to hold such hope, such light, such truth and then be a beacon of it for us all?  What must his thoughts have been before this moment? How does he stay grounded?  How does he not buckle under perceived pressure? How is it that he has come to express his higher calling and so many others seem not to?  
On my day off today I had an unexpected conversation with my hair stylist, turned friend/photographer (who took the pictures of me).  I ran into him at the local coffee shop.  We talked about how our dreams and aspirations and I shared how they often seem burdensome, and wonder if it would be easier to not have them so I could just be content with the day to day existence so many of us live.  Again how is it some of us live these great dreams and others do not- and some may not even dream at all, which is hard to imagine?  
I remember a scene in my favorite movie, Shawshank Redemtion.  The character Andy Dufrane played by Tim Robbins was put into prison for a crime he did not commit. Through the course of his time, he made friends with “Red”  played by Morgan Freeman. 
Andy maintained his hope and dream of escape, and his determination not to allow the prison life to take away his better parts.  His friend Red warned him about dreaming. Told him it is dangerous to have dreams in prison.  Andy said it is in prison where dreams are most important.  
My friend today said he is happy to have his dreams. We wondered if those dreams are what get us up to live another day in our own mind-made prisons. We may not see them all come true, but at least we have had the pleasure of having them. This thought made me shift my thinking about my dreams. Maybe they aren’t a burden.  Maybe I could just relish in the beauty of them and their possibility. Maybe then they would have the space they need to come true.
It does come down to one simple line said by Mr. Andy Dufrane- get busy living or get busy dying. 
Which will you chooose in this historical and euphoric time of Hope?
This is how I feel different inside. A momentum has taken a hold of me.  Almost suddenly I feel deeper in my soul, more present and planted, more willing and ready to be used and less conflicted. My cries now come from a deeper place and I welcome them.  I feel things more deeply and I want to.  I want to moved and affected. I want to be touched and no longer ignored, and yet if I am ignored it is okay. It is a time where nothing shallow can satisfy. Separation hurts magnificently and Unity heals miraculously.   I sense things more organically.  I feel more connected.  I could over think all of this and watch this abandon me, but it can’t.  It has a hold of me and I know it is not letting go. I have no idea where it is taking me, but I trust it. 
It is the same way in which I trust Obama right now.  I am relieved to know there is a man at the helm and more importantly in my corner whom I trust.  He represents the relationship I trust I now have with my Higher Self, which is to say the Self inside of me, which I know loves, guides and nurtures me at ever step.  I am relieved She is here.  I trust Her completely, and I know I can go to Her anytime I choose.  She is who has a hold of me and She is never letting go.  
Do not get my wrong. I in no way think our battles, or mine are over.  Oprah’s shirt today said, Hope won. Yes, it is true in this moment Hope has won, but as David Gergen, CNN correspondent said, it has to keep winning, and that will take what Obama is asking of us right now-sacrifice, which often comes with honesty and commitment to the truth of who we are.  
And often that takes a lot, but I know we are ready.
What will you sacrifice in order to gain? And what if you do not know you will gain? Will you still sacrifice?  
Namaste, 
Nikki
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6 thoughts on “>I Can Too

  1. >I want to say I totally agree with what Obama means to the world and the direction that the US has decided to take with this election. It has been a long time coming, but it is what the world needs right now. May the world could take note that we are willing to move in another direction that can bring us all together. Not just America, but all of us from every street, city, ocean and planets. The world is ours, if we don’t start acting like it we will have a bigger mess then we have now. Notice I said we, because no one can, or should have to do this alone. If you think this day, this life is only about you, or your country. Then you my friend are more of the same of what we do not need. It only creates more separation, more division, more shame and blame. If you want to make a change, look at the person in the mirror. We need to start thinking about how we can work together to make the changes that we all want and need. If your life is great and you have no need for change, my suggestion is that you get busy dying, because it would not appear that you have any living left to do.And that my friend is http://www.1blackmansopinion.com

  2. >Nikki your blog was beautiful. And you just hit those points spot on. I FEEL DIFFERENT. I couldn’t explain it to myself, I’m getting goosebumps just writing about it. I FEEL–brighter, perhaps that Brilliance you were talking about.

  3. >Well, I realize I should have expected this from within you….but I didn’t.  Well written, well experienced, and well aware are you now.  Wonderfully elegant prose and clear thought patterns and queries. 

  4. >HelloI am contacting you because I am working with the authors of a book about blogs. I have seen a photograph of yours that I find beautiful and would like to request permission to include it in this book. If you think this is something you might be interested in please send me an email at hannah@wefeelfine.org and I will send along more details about the project. Hope to talk to you soon!Sincerely,HannahHannah@wefeelfine.orgNote: In order to locate your image later it would be much appreciated if you would include a link to this blog in your response. Thanks again!!

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