>It is safe to say I have always had a problem with sugar, especially chocolate. I quit once, but it didn’t last. I have done two squares of chocolate a day- that only worked for awhile- until I ate more. Recently I have watched myself eat sugar at least three times a day- after breakfast, after lunch, and after dinner. When there wasn’t any obvious chocolate or sweets in the house I went into the pantry, opened up a mason jar full of chocolate chips and popped them into my mouth like aspirin.
The fascinating realization about this behavior is I did not judge it. I was interested in it, but not shamed by it. I just watched myself eat and eat and eat, sometimes wondering what was going on with me to make me want to eat so many sweets. A month or so ago I was watching Dr. Oz on Oprah. He was speaking to smokers, telling them to pick a quit date. I decided I wasn’t any different than the smokers, and picked one for myself. The first date that came to me was March 10. I had no idea if this was a Monday or a Friday, but March 10 it was, and once I committed to that date in my own mind I realized it was 6 days before my 36th birthday. Seemed strange, and a bit crazy to pick a date right before the usual birthday cake and ice cream.
Reframe- I decided this would be a wonderful birthday present to myself. March 10 approached and I noticed a natural decrease in my usage. By March 9, I was passing up dessert. I got through March 10th and 11th just fine. Reading the book A New Earth, I have chosen to go through this experience, much like I did while eating sweets- from the observer’s perspective. The observer is not addicted, therefore it is the best space for me to hang out. But today was tough. Mid-afternoon I started to get foggy in my head and low in my energy. My body and mind wanted something sweet. The day before when I had this craving I automatically went for the mason jar of chocolate chips before I caught myself and closed the pantry door.
Going through the intense craving today, and not giving in- I knew how much I had identified with my sweet intake. I have had a rough couple of months and I was literally looking for something sweet- some sort of satisfaction to make myself feel better- and here I thought I was not one of those emotional eaters. I also see how I have the opportunity to dig even deeper within myself to find something sweet and satisfying inside of me and pull it out. I trust once this begins to happen the cravings will cease to exist inside my body and mind.
For today, I missed sugar. I thought about the chocolate melting in my mouth and easing the stress in my soul, much like the inhale by the smoker. Today I feared how I would cope if I never had the satisfaction of chocolate melting in my mouth again. I can only take it three days at a time. It is almost 10pm and it is safe for me to say I did make it three days. I will observe how the next three will be.