Five years ago, I wrote an article in my newsletter, Clarity, called ‘Risking to Live.’ It was about a time when I went camping with my daughter as part of a field trip for her school. They were learning about the headwaters of the Mississippi River and decided to have the class go there to enhance their learning. I called the article ‘Risking to Live’ because I had a moment where I actually lived and had an accident as a result. We were riding our bikes on a hilly bike path and as I floated blissfully down one of the hills, my daughter’s friend stopped abruptly on the path, turning her wheel right into where my bike was headed. Immediately I put on the brakes and when I did, the back wheel rose up and I flew over the bike and landed on the ground. It hurt and as a result I fell nearly faint.
Here is what I wrote learning a valuable lesson: “When I was floating down that hill on the bike, I was in bliss and than falling I was in pain. To fully live is to also risk getting hurt and to fully live is to ‘risk’ feeling joy. We cannot have one without the other.
If we want to fully live to our potential and to feel life we must also be willing to feel all that living comes with- the pain, the joy, the suffering, the bliss.”
Now, five years later I have another story to share, which I’ll call ‘Risking to Love.’
A year ago I signed up for a course to learn how to become a Therapeutic Coach, which is similar to a Life Coach. During this course I met an amazing group of people. Their names are Eric, Jim, Diana, Theri, Karen, Michelle, Anita, Lynne, Judy, Molly, and Vicki. We went through a journey together- one I could have never anticipated. I did not go to school so I could meet friends. In fact I was not interested in having friends- and I mean that in a healthy way. I had lots of people in my life that came and went through all my evolutions. These people often did not resonate with my spirit; in fact they seemed to be in direct contradiction to my spiritual nature. The phrase ‘they rubbed me the wrong way’ would be fitting here. They were in my life to rub and polish me in the wrong ways, I know now to prepare me for the 11 I met on my ‘Meta’ journey. Meta was the name of our school and it is where we became One- and we stayed One for 13 months. It is a difficult experience to explain, but I will try because I wish it for all who have yet to experience Oneness.
These 11 people, 12 including myself, held me wherever I was, whether it was pain, grief, solitude, anger- like the time I told them I smashed my computer on the ground. None of them judged me- all of them held me. They even held me in my light- when I was great- when I was expressing my higher soul- they held me. Like a traveler moving around a labyrinth- through every twist and turn, every dark spot, every light spot, and every corner they held me and because of this, without my knowing, I fell in love with all of them.
Together we laughed and cried. We processed and healed. We absorbed and transformed. We healed our souls at depths we couldn’t imagine- all of this because not one of us diverted from our highest positive intention, which was to heal and nourish each other and ourselves at all times. In our curriculum we learned that behind every thought, feeling and behavior is a highest positive intention. We are often unaware of this intention because we are cluttered with our dramas and desires, personalities and arrogant ego displays. But not us. There was none of this.
Inspirational Guru Wayne Dyer talks about Intention being like a trolley strap- once we hold onto it we are always connected to it. Our class, class J as we were called, kept hold of that trolley strap and never let go. This is our story. It will always be. However things change. Class is over. The container that was the classroom is no longer apparent and we are left with our own lives, our own souls. Without our container I begin to mourn. I mourn for what we had, seeing it now fade, noticing some of what was not apparent now show up. Will we allow it to take hold? Will some of us just leave and go our own ways? Of course- it happens and it is okay.
Yet, I wonder why, especially today as I felt the shifts of our group and felt sad, can’t things/relationships/our souls stay pure- pure without expectation, attachment and distraction? It is all a part of the process I suppose. But here is what I know. We were pure and in spirit we still are. Therefore it is not okay to hang on to what was because it still is. When I became sad today I remembered my article I shared about Risking to Live because I risked to love this group of people. I allowed them to support me. They allowed me to support them and this healed my soul in places I didn’t know was severed. Because of their support I realized I had not felt supported in the world by people and now I do. Because of them allowing my support, I realized I have the capacity to support and assist others- and now I am.
At our graduation ceremony we walked a labyrinth while I read a poem that we all wrote together. All of our words fit perfectly. One cannot replicate what we shared and at this point it would be shameful to do so. We allowed and that is why we had what we had. Whenever we allow we can experience the oneness that is us- all of us.
I don’t know where we will go from here- our group, but I am glad I allowed them into the depths of me. I am glad they allowed me into the depths of them. It is myth that there is risk in loving. Loving is what happens when we allow. Allowing this is what makes us one. I like to think what Class J- for Joy- allowed is a symbol of what can happen on our planet when we let go of our defenses- and our little ‘i’ and allow the big I to move through us. It is possible. I know that it is.
I love you guys- always in all ways.