>I miss looking up at the sky. I realized this yesterday. It was a beautiful fall day and as with most days I am not noticing the big picture. This is because I am consumed with trying to make a living and the funny thing is I used to have money and didn’t need to worry about such things. I don’t like to worry about such things either. It isn’t fun, yet I trust it is an experience I need to have. However I would like to get out of it sooner rather than later, and I guess that is up to me. I realize that there is a big part of me that does not want to work. I would rather just not deal with it. Yet the work that I want to do is actually quite exciting. I mean really if someone were to offer me the job(s) I need to do, I would be really excited. Then why aren’t I? Job #1- write a book- and not just one book, but 3 books and that is only the beginning. There are many more after that. Job #2- go out and speak and teach classes- classes on helping people clear out the clutter in their lives and souls. Job #3- work one-on-one with people, using the skills of Therapeutic Coaching®, a set of skills I have been learning the past year. Other jobs include doing sacred space consultations in people’s home, writing articles, teaching meditation, and eventually creating and distributing tee-shirts, meditation CD’s and other inspiring gifts. Sounds like a great opportunity to me- yet I sit and watch my life get more disturbing. The money is running out. The books inside of me have cooked way too long and if they don’t get out now they will die, or a big part of me will. I am so happy in so many ways, except there is no money and there is no fulfilling life purppose outside of motherhood. Day after day after day I get an opporunity to do something with my furture plans yet I sit and don’t. I suppose it could be so heavy at this moment because I am right in the thick of it. I am in the thick of the part of me that does not want to work, who is resisiting it with every ounce of energy. Who is going to kick her a**. When this is all over I want to look up at the sky and smile:)
I’ll keep you posted. Is someone reading this? If not, someone will read my book(s)… I hope.
However hope must go- I must just go out and do. These are the thougths I live with day after day after day. The hopes, the musts, the shoulds, the woulds and I know better and mostly I do better- except where my ‘work’ is concerned. Then I just slack and stay stuck. I guess I am waiting for the very last moment, where everything is about to hit bottom. I suppose then I will get off my duff. Why am I being so hard on myself? Why not see what it is I have inside of me? Why not share it with the world, or whomever is listening?
Thanks for listening.
You have caught me at one of my most vulnerable hours.